I have had similar issues with a Move not anppearing in app  although once I sorted the it’s use has been relatively flawless and those issues I do rarely have can be attributed to user error or other hardware. The main problem is the “troubleshooting “ the app suggests is often unhelpful, wrong or circular. Without more detail it’s hard to know what to advise, except at some points I have ignored the apps directions, and also don’t think it explains the behaviour of the power button and LEDs and a full hard hard power cycle was required to get it to respond.

i cant get mine to update - and i cant use it without an update. 

Have you tried connecting it to the router with an Ethernet cable to update it? Once updated you should be able to disconnect it, for wifi.