An Ode to Sonos: The Soundbar Love Triangle

  • 1 March 2017
  • 2 replies

Dear Miss Sonos I saw you a few months ago at Best Buy and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you and now I can’t stop thinking about you. Your vibrant sound and sleek curves had me at first sight. But then I turned the corner and was distracted by Miss Bose with her shiny glossy finish and plastic implanted speakers and she also claimed to have a sexy HDMI ARC connection. The attraction was blinding and so I took her home instead you and it was the worst mistake of my life.

As I unboxed this floozy and lay her by the TV and attempted to plug her HMDI ARC cables into my One Connect box and waited for that euphoric feeling…. But there was nothing! There was no magic from those black matt speakers. Now Miss Bose just sits around the house collecting dust and promising to change and update herself but excuse after excuse and delay after delay leaves me wondering why we even got hitched in the first place.

I would ask for a separation but foolishly I built a sound family around her consisting of SoundTouch 20 x 3 (yes triplets!) And even a little guy, a SoundTouch 10 (v1) who we adore because of his size and heart but who has a severe and incurable learning disability when it comes to playing music and remembering the Wifi password. The family grew slightly more this year with the with addition of a pair QC 35’s after her predecessor the QC 15’s needed a change and went to live with her Grandmother in Vancouver.

So, you see Miss Sonos, every time I see you at my friend Mike’s place - you flirt with me with your fancy app but I’m really drawn to your reliability and functionality. I want you in my life and all over my house but I’m in too deep and it’s too late to turn back. Please understand I can’t break up my household. The split-up would be too costly, I’ve invested too much time and money into my music system marriage.

Miss Sonos you are the average girl next door with braces who turned into a supermodel and Miss Bose you are the prom queen who gained 80 pounds became schizophrenic and decided to stop working after we got married. I made the wrong choice and now I must live with this decision but I promise you Miss Sonos I will never forgot you and maybe one day far into the future we can be together.

Yours truly,

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2 replies

LOL. Have you thought of applying for a position in Sonos marketing? Maybe then you could afford the divorce.
LOL- to keep my poetry as unbiased as possible i try and refrain from being employed by my subject matter!