Hello, I'm Sonos, your Dentist. All your teeth are belong to us.


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Doctor Sonos here.

Remember me? You surrendered control of your teeth when you gave me money for "fillings" last year.
Your fillings are totally under my control.
They won't work any more until you accept my latest terms.

Without my consent, they remain in your head but you can only use them as long as you agree to my shifting conditions.
I alone decide when your teeth stop working and need an "upgrade".
Your consent is irrelevant, really. Get over it.

You can't chew until you install my latest remote control software, sorry for the inconvenience.
But really I have your best interests - and those of me - and my marketing partners at heart.
We can monitor what you eat, and how often you chew.
For altruistic reasons, really.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Oh, and eat this cookie.
That's an order, or I won't speak to you any further.
There, that's better. Now go ahead and click on the upgrade.

It's the path of least resistance.

I'm a doctor - trust me.

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14 replies

Good grief. :8
Lol. Inventive, but over the top.
How about some references to the Borg and Assimilation?!
Userlevel 7
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Someone is now regretting not reading the fine print.

I love the sound reality makes when it catches up with folks that skimped on their homework.
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Not unlike the shrill sound made by fanbois rising to the defence of their ideologies, eh ol' Stanley? Don't get steamy now :)

Bought this system a decade ago in a high end stereo home automation shop. Somehow the salesman neglected to mention the eternal catch on this component at the time it was installed.

But your're right, there probably are superior alternatives by now; I'm inspired to investigate.
Userlevel 7
Badge +22
You listened to a salesman? Bet he wasn't even working for Sonos or had much of a clue about anything but his commission on the sale. I've had my Sonos a lot longer than 10 years and the paperwork that came with it back then made it clear Sonos had the right to do pretty much what they wanted, when they wanted and however they wanted.

Not much of a Sonos fan since they killed the CR-100 and have come up with nothing to replace it. Wife is unable (severe arthritis) to use our house full of Sonos and is unlikely to look fondly at buying more. I'd be gone tomorrow if I could find something that worked as well and that she could use.

If you can find better or even close go for it, if not either live with the Sonos rules or compromise and go with the best option you can find.

But your're right, there probably are superior alternatives by now; I'm inspired to investigate.

Just because we like what Sonos does for us, does not make us blind to their faults. It is just that as of now, what it does outweighs the latter, though I find that Amazon Echo hardware works just as well, and where it can be used with Sonos, without loss of sound quality.
If you do find something that tilts the balance, do let the rest of us know.
PS: and to their credit, Sonos will never shut down any discussions on these lines, even on boards such as these that are run by them.
Userlevel 7
RexH

Sonos Fan-boy or not...are you saying that no other tech (that you own) requires an update to the firmware (or software if you prefer) in order to continue working properly? If so I'd like to know what "smart" device that is which is obviously future proofed through the Millennium and most likely loaded with Alien technology (the truth is out there?) ;)

BTW, thanks for the entertaining rant...it was very well written...seriously (although the analogy was a bit skewed). Still I gave it another thumbs up. 😉

Cheers!
Userlevel 7
@Stanley_4

Speaking of sale people. I was in BestBuy over the weekend and just out of conversation somehow started talking about Sonos soundbars. Guess what...he didn't know that the Sonos Playbar, Playbase or Beam does not process DTS. Oh well...Caveat emptor
Cheers!
I can't quite tell what you're complaining about. Seems like you're upset about upgrades for the controller software, right? And really, it's not a really good analogy. Nothing about dentists relationship to cleaning your teeth is remotely like software and upgrades.
I've read about victims of Torquemada that were less tortured than the OP's analogy.
Is it safe?
Is it safe?

Just seeing that line makes me want to suck on a finger coated with oil of cloves.
Lol, yes. The universal dread of dentists. Although the first thought that came to mind was Gandalf?